2. We don't need no stinkin' Kleenexes, we have sleeves. I taught the kids that trick. Mother of the year over here!
3. Potty seats make great hats! I'm not the only one whose kid thinks so: Hers, too.
4. Farts in public are perfectly acceptable if you have a charming way of excusing yourself. Somehow, though, this never works when I do it. (Of course I don't fart in public. I am just hypothesizing).
5. One should always inspect the toilet seat before using it, even in your own house. I ended up with poo on my rear today. And it wasn't even mine. Freaking disgusting.
6. When you have been married for almost ten years, no subject is taboo. There are some that I wish were. If you hear me refer to " 'roid rage" I am not talking about steroids. I'm talking about another kind of 'roids. Enough.
7. If you can't see, you can't hear. I thought I was the only one with this problem, but I think it's hereditary. I was talking to D yesterday while I was driving and she said "Huh? I didn't hear you. I had my eyes covered."
8. Kids are better than The Club, Lo-Jack and any other theft deterrent device out there. I'm pretty sure if I left my kids in my car and it was stolen, it would be returned within minutes. Probably with an apology and an offer to pray for me.
9. If a man loads the dishwasher, all that fits is three coffee cups, five plates and a bowl. If a woman does it, five place settings plus an entire (-ish, see #1) set of silverware will fit.
10. I make shit up all the time. However, everything you see here is 100% FACT. Don't believe me? Come stay with me for a day or two. Just make sure you bring vodka. You're gonna need it.