Thursday, March 1, 2012

Can we skip Leap Day next year?

Don't get me wrong, my kids are pretty awesome. Except on Leap Day. It was like an even crazier version of a full moon.

I took the kids with me to Target yesterday afternoon for what was supposed to be a five minute trip to pick up three things. Key words: supposed to be.

I don't know exactly what happened, but I had one kid coughing all over the place, one dawdling across the parking lot refusing to hold hands, one touching her brother, one dancing a jig down the aisles and blocking cart traffic, and two who weren't listening AT ALL. No, I don't have six kids- these are two kids capable of all that action within five minutes at Target.

I'm trying to keep all this chaos corralled without looking like Mommie Dearest so we can get our three things and get the hizz-ell out of there. "Stop touching him. Stop dancing. Please stay on one side of the lane so these people can get through. I told you to stop touching him. Please cover your mouth when you cough. Please pass the vodka." And out of nowhere.... "Shelby????" Efff. Why have I not learned to fake a case of mistaken identity?

OF COURSE it's a woman I've known since kindergarten (the mother of one of my classmates) and her daughter. Of course this is the perfect time to run into someone I haven't seen in years, looking like a class act crazy pants ready to duct tape my kids together. She asks "How are you?" and I think to myself "Freaking fantastic, can't you tell? Where is the nearest mental asylum?" Instead, I go with the more socially acceptable "Gooood. Yep, I'm good. You?"

After a few minutes of chit chat, I resumed my sprint around the store and headed to the check out. Why does Target only open two lanes at that time of the afternoon? All the employees are hanging out in the electronics department while the two lines are ten people deep. Why is it that after you wait in line five minutes (which is an eternity in my version of time) and put your crap on the belt, THEN they open five lanes and everyone scatters like cockroaches. Why, Target, why??? And how much crack do you put in those red velvet sandwich cookies from the bakery? I digress.

In the end, we all survived Leap Day. There was some other craziness but apparently I've blocked it from my mind because I don't remember it. Early onset Alzheimers, anyone? I don't know why it made the juniors crazy and put me so on edge- it was just a wacky day all around and I'm glad it's over. Of course now that I'm putting it in writing I wonder what the big deal was... it was just another day, right? All I know is- I am going to work on this mistaken identity thing right away. "Who, me? Nope, but I get that all the time. I must look a lot like her. Have a nice day."

Linking up with Finding the Funny at My Life and Kids


  1. Haha! Not MY grandchildren....they are perfect! Sorry, I don't think anyone will buy that "who, me" stuff! I know you have practice hiding in the Target bathroom! :o

  2. Oh - I love this. And I can so relate!!! :) Thanks for linking up to fining the funny!