Wednesday, March 21, 2012

My 35 by 35 list

I turn 35 this year. Yep, 35. Instead of making new year's resolutions, I made a list of things I hope to accomplish before I turn 35. Some of these things are completely frivolous and not necessarily "accomplishments." Some are more like dares (me wearing shorts?!) I've added notes in- sort of a progress report. What do YOU want to accomplish before your next birthday?


  1. Become a surrogate- a work in progress. We've had one unsuccessful transfer, and will try again in another couple of months (I'll write more on this another time).
  2. Find a new job or hobby that pays. I like working, but don't want to work full time unless it's something that I really, truly enjoy. 
  3. Pay off all of my credit card debt- working on it- if not by 35, definitely by 36.
  4. Get a bike and ride it. I don't have a bike. In fact, don't think I've ever had my own. I want a cute one, like an Electra. With a basket.
  5. Go on a family vacation (including my parents). Christmas in Nashville would be pretty awesome!
  6. Start a blog- for real this time. Well, here 'tis, in all its neglected glory.
  7. Read 35 books. HA! I am changing this to 12 books in 2012 because I don't think picture books count. I want to read the Twilight books and The Hunger Games (I think) to see what all the hype is about. That would take care of 7 of the 10 books I have left to read this year.
  8. Grow my hair out and get highlights. Nope, can't stand growing it out. Highlights, maybe.
  9. Wear heels more. Eh. I am already tall, sometimes I feel freakish wearing heels.
  10. Wear shorts. (It's March. In Colorado. Shorts season is still a couple of months away). Let me get working on those squats and lunges.
  11. Volunteer @ D's school. I went on a field trip with the choir, does that count?
  12. Run a 5K. I've never run in a race, and I'm not quite ready to do a 5K yet. Give me a few more weeks and some warm weather and we'll see...
  13. Put more thought into getting dressed. I have been making more of an effort to do this, but some days it's just easier to throw on the same (black) thing I've worn a million times. What I need to do is hide my black and gray clothes!
  14. Go vegetarian. This has actually gone pretty well! Yes, I still eat meat occasionally. I'm not about to turn down ribs, brats or burgers this summer. But for the most part, we have gone veggie and it's been great!
  15. Walk on a beach. I think we'll actually get to do this in a couple of months!!
  16. Travel to the East Coast. I should be careful what I wish for- otherwise I'll end up going there for work and not for fun.
  17. Book a cruise or international trip for 2013. This kinda depends on #3.
  18. Take a dance class. I am not graceful by any means. But dancing looks fun, especially tap.
  19. Learn to swim. Kris is a great swimmer. D is pretty darn good, too. B is on his way. Time for me to strap on the Speedo and learn to blow bubbles with the big kids.
  20. Redo D's room. Her room is cute now, but I think she wants it to be a little more grown up.
  21. Go somewhere nice for our 10th anniversary. I don't know where, maybe a weekend in Breckenridge would be good!
  22. Set up savings accounts for us and the kids. Nope, we don't have any savings. Shameful! I really want to take care of #3 so that the idea of saving doesn't stress me out.
  23. Grow plants and don't neglect/kill them. I am a notorious plant killer. But silk plants just don't do it for me... what a conundrum.
  24. Take a bath to relax once a week. Well, we're in the 12th week of the year and this hasn't happened yet. Probably because I'd need to clean my tub first, and that does NOT sound relaxing.
  25. Do yoga once or twice a week. Also hasn't happened, but should. I always feel awesome when I'm done!
  26. Take a spinning class. This sounds fun, but then I think about how bad my butt will hurt and how I won't be able to walk up or down stairs, and it doesn't sound fun anymore.
  27. Build something. Wow, this is vague. I wonder what I had in mind.
  28. Have family pictures taken with the Mooch. We haven't had pictures taken of the five of us, ever. Poor Mooch always gets left out (not that she loves having her picture taken). I just think it's really important to do  this and include her.
  29. Redecorate the kitchen and living room. Nothing big, just some new paint in the kitchen and maybe rearrange the living room.
  30. Create a nice outdoor space (our deck and side of the house). Our yard is essentially a blank canvas. We have a great deck, but I think we could make it a little comfier. And the side of the house could be a great play area for the kids, just needs some work.
  31. Buy a nice, long, dark pair of jeans. This is something I have problems with as a taller person. Most jeans that are average length are just a little too short to look "right." And I have problems with spending money on a pair of jeans that are a size I don't want to be in. I found a pretty great pair of dark Levi's trouser jeans at Marshalls for $20 AND they're a size smaller than I thought I'd need. Score!
  32. Sell something that I made. I don't know what that's going to be, exactly. Maybe a painting?
  33. Get a Lasik consult for 2013. I have worn glasses since I was 8. Started wearing contacts at 15. That is a lot of years of not being able to see well (or at all) without correction. I would love love LOVE to be able to wake up and see things without having to squint. And not mistake vacuum cleaners for goats (it happened once).
  34. See 140 on the scale again. Well, if I put the kids AND Mooch on the scale, it might add up to a number I could deal with. But the number I see when I get on it is NOT cool. I am convinced they left a lead weight in me when I had my c-section.
  35. Set up an IRA. I have no retirement savings plan. I have a very quickly dwindling amount in my Teamsters 401(k) that Prudential won't release and it hasn't been worth the time and frustration to get my $26 out. I wonder what happens when the balance hits zero. Will they send me a bill?
  36. BONUS: Have a psychic reading done. I like to think I'm psychic (a little bit). Maybe I'm just really good at predicting things based on people's behavior. But I'd sure like to see what Madame Zelda thinks is in my future!







Saturday, March 3, 2012

Did you know? 10 little known facts about our family and home

1. That silverware is sold in odd numbered sets- for example, you might get eight knives but only seven dinner forks, and six spoons. (This is my husband's "theory," as he refuses to confess to taking silverware to work and leaving it there for the spoon and fork thieves).

2. We don't need no stinkin' Kleenexes, we have sleeves. I taught the kids that trick. Mother of the year over here!

3. Potty seats make great hats! I'm not the only one whose kid thinks so: Hers, too.

4. Farts in public are perfectly acceptable if you have a charming way of excusing yourself. Somehow, though, this never works when I do it. (Of course I don't fart in public. I am just hypothesizing).

5. One should always inspect the toilet seat before using it, even in your own house. I ended up with poo on my rear today. And it wasn't even mine. Freaking disgusting. 

6. When you have been married for almost ten years, no subject is taboo. There are some that I wish were. If you hear me refer to " 'roid rage" I am not talking about steroids. I'm talking about another kind of 'roids. Enough.

7. If you can't see, you can't hear. I thought I was the only one with this problem, but I think it's hereditary. I was talking to D yesterday while I was driving and she said "Huh? I didn't hear you. I had my eyes covered."

8. Kids are better than The Club, Lo-Jack and any other theft deterrent device out there. I'm pretty sure if I left my kids in my car and it was stolen, it would be returned within minutes. Probably with an apology and an offer to pray for me.

9. If a man loads the dishwasher, all that fits is three coffee cups, five plates and a bowl. If a woman does it, five place settings plus an entire (-ish, see #1) set of silverware will fit.

10. I make shit up all the time. However, everything you see here is 100% FACT. Don't believe me? Come stay with me for a day or two. Just make sure you bring vodka. You're gonna need it.


Thursday, March 1, 2012

Can we skip Leap Day next year?

Don't get me wrong, my kids are pretty awesome. Except on Leap Day. It was like an even crazier version of a full moon.

I took the kids with me to Target yesterday afternoon for what was supposed to be a five minute trip to pick up three things. Key words: supposed to be.

I don't know exactly what happened, but I had one kid coughing all over the place, one dawdling across the parking lot refusing to hold hands, one touching her brother, one dancing a jig down the aisles and blocking cart traffic, and two who weren't listening AT ALL. No, I don't have six kids- these are two kids capable of all that action within five minutes at Target.

I'm trying to keep all this chaos corralled without looking like Mommie Dearest so we can get our three things and get the hizz-ell out of there. "Stop touching him. Stop dancing. Please stay on one side of the lane so these people can get through. I told you to stop touching him. Please cover your mouth when you cough. Please pass the vodka." And out of nowhere.... "Shelby????" Efff. Why have I not learned to fake a case of mistaken identity?

OF COURSE it's a woman I've known since kindergarten (the mother of one of my classmates) and her daughter. Of course this is the perfect time to run into someone I haven't seen in years, looking like a class act crazy pants ready to duct tape my kids together. She asks "How are you?" and I think to myself "Freaking fantastic, can't you tell? Where is the nearest mental asylum?" Instead, I go with the more socially acceptable "Gooood. Yep, I'm good. You?"

After a few minutes of chit chat, I resumed my sprint around the store and headed to the check out. Why does Target only open two lanes at that time of the afternoon? All the employees are hanging out in the electronics department while the two lines are ten people deep. Why is it that after you wait in line five minutes (which is an eternity in my version of time) and put your crap on the belt, THEN they open five lanes and everyone scatters like cockroaches. Why, Target, why??? And how much crack do you put in those red velvet sandwich cookies from the bakery? I digress.

In the end, we all survived Leap Day. There was some other craziness but apparently I've blocked it from my mind because I don't remember it. Early onset Alzheimers, anyone? I don't know why it made the juniors crazy and put me so on edge- it was just a wacky day all around and I'm glad it's over. Of course now that I'm putting it in writing I wonder what the big deal was... it was just another day, right? All I know is- I am going to work on this mistaken identity thing right away. "Who, me? Nope, but I get that all the time. I must look a lot like her. Have a nice day."

Linking up with Finding the Funny at My Life and Kids